Monroe County BOCES to end program -

This is dear to my heart, since my daughter goes to the pre-school program with Boces and it has help her so much in her development and also having a mother that is a non-custodial mom...I think this is just wrong.

The economic downturn is forcing Monroe County BOCES to end a pre-school program, which some local families say has been life-changing for their kids.
The Monroe One BOCES pre-school program teaches students with special needs in classrooms with normally developing students but now the program is being phased out. Thursday night parents at the BOCES school board meeting said they don't want the program to close. So, the board created a committee to look into ways to try and keep the program but only if it's fiscally viable.
“This board of education takes this very seriously,” said District Superintendent Daniel White. “It’s an outstanding program and I think everybody recognizes that and we're going to do our due diligence on this thing to make sure we're making the right decisions.”
“This board needs to really reach out to the community and to state legislators, who I know are having a problems at the moment,” said concerned parent Terri Richardson. “But, I think this board, if they want to can make this work and sustain this program, if they let us help them.”
The committee is looking at keeping the program at least until they deliver a report to the board of education in late spring.

What it is like living with domestic violence

I know how it is being a woman being in a domestic violence situation over and over. I found out last night, when my boyfriend tried to choke me. I never thought that would happen. He can be verbal abusive but not this. I just want every women that has gone thru this PLEASE, don't follow in my footsteps and run as far as you can!!! It is something in us that want to help and get attached to a PSYCHOPATH relationship. His boyfriends psychopath brain is:

'Liar Liar' He will lie for no reason. He will skillfully twist our words, dodge and evade questions, divert the topic, and omit important facts in his ever-changing, self-serving goals. "Hang 'em high" he says about the murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite claims high morals then proceeds to exploits, manipulate and abuse others. His lies about us are emotionally cruel. He will accuse you of being crazy. He will blame others and take no responsibility. Defense Strategy: Quietly verify what he says. The grain of truth he drops occasionally is cleverly-disguised manipulation. Do not try to negotiate or bargain. Head for the door when things don't add up. Learn about projection

Hallmark Hall of Fame TV Movie-Tourette Syndrome to Air in December 2008

Hallmark Hall of Fame TV Movie-
Tourette Syndrome to Air in December 2008
True Story Based on Brad Cohen’s Life to Air on CBS

“Front of the Class: How Tourette Syndrome Made Me the Teacher I Never Had”, a best-selling and award-winning book from Brad Cohen, is being made into a "Hallmark Hall of Fame" movie to air on CBS, Sunday, December 7, 2008. The film is currently being shot in Shreveport, Louisiana and stars Treat Williams and Patricia Heaton as Brad’s parents, and actor Jimmy Wolk as Brad.“This has been a very exciting time for me, my wife Nancy, my parents, my brother and of course all my friends and family whohave supported me for so long,” Brad said. “I'm very excited to celebrate these positive times in my life with so many people. It ismy goal that the movie will make a difference in the lives of millionsof TV viewers across the nation.”Front of the Class (published in September 2005) is an inspiringtrue story of incredible challenges and unwavering determination.As a child with Tourette Syndrome, Brad was beaten, mockedand shunned. Some thought he was possessed by the devil. Others, including members of his own family, refused to be seenwith him in public. As an adult, Brad overcame all odds to becomean award-winning teacher of the year for the state of Georgia.Brad is an inspiration in overcoming life’s challenges. Nothing, not even Tourette Syndrome, stops him from pursuing—and achieving—his goals.Brad is an Area Lead Teacher for Cobb County Schools in Atlanta, and is responsible for teaching the teachers. Prior to that he taught 2nd grade, 3rd grade and was a technology lab teacher. Brad has served as Vice President of the Board of Directors for the Tourette Syndrome Association of Georgia. Part of Brad’s past, includedbeing the team mascot “Homer” for the Atlanta Braves Baseball team.A motivational speaker who inspires people to keep a positive attitude and to follow their dreams, Brad was featured on Oprah, People Magazine and Inside Edition after the release of his book, which was named the “Education Book of the Year” for the Independent Book Publishers. He has attended several national TSA conferences where he was a speaker and panelist. Click here to see Brad’s TSA print public service announcement.Please check the TSA website for updates and more information about the film and Brad’s TV appearances.Click here to see Brad’s TSA print public service announcement.
Media/Press Inquiries: 718-224-2999, ext. 236; email: tracy.flynn@tsa-usa.org

My first Al-Anon Meeting

My whole life I have been surrounded by Alcoholics. My family, my ex husband, friends and my boyfriend. I has been emotionally abused when the Alcoholic abuses the alcohol. I thought I would try an Al-Anon meeting on Sunday. It was ok but a very small group. It seems like there are not many in my area and I don't like to travel to far. I am going to try to go to couple this week. What people said, made me think about my life. I know that I can't change what happened in the past, but I can change what is going on now. It will be a long time to do it though. My ex would and still passing out from drinking. He is even taken care of the children. But he is the best interest of the children. I don't have money or proof on this. My ex scares my son half to death, so will not say much. At this time I don't want to talk about my boyfriend, but I will soon. It is something I need to deal with. All I can say is that being emotionally abused all your life, you tend to make the wrong decisions.

Definition of Alcoholic

Definition of Alcoholic.

People with a "drinking problem" and who are addicted to alcohol are defined as "alcoholics." Some of the characteristics of alcoholics are the following:

*Drinking that interferes with one's job, family, or friends

*Desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down drinking
*Increased tolerance, meaning that over time more alcohol is required to get drunk
*Continued drinking in site of negative consequences such as a DUI conviction, divorce, or loss of job.

*Drinking larger amounts or over longer periods of time
*Withdrawal, meaning unpleasant symptoms similar to having the flu when drinking is stopped

5 Types of Alcoholics

5 Types of Alcoholics

The study describes five subtypes of alcoholics.

The young adult subtype accounts for about 32% of U.S. alcoholics. They're young adults who rarely seek help for alcohol dependence. About 24 years old, they became alcoholics by age 20, on average. They drink less frequently than other alcoholics, but they tend to binge drink when they drink. This is the largest subtype.

The young antisocial subtype comprises 21% of U.S. alcoholics. They are 26 years old, on average. More than half have antisocial personality disorder. They tended to start drinking at 15 and became alcoholics by 18 -- earlier than other subtypes. They are more likely to smoke tobacco and pot. The young antisocial subtype and the young adult subtype don't overlap, Moss tells WebMD.

The functional subtype accounts for about 19% of U.S. alcoholics. They're generally middle-aged, working adults who tend to have stable relationships, more education, and higher incomes than other alcoholics. They tend to drink every other day, often consuming five or more drinks on drinking days.

The intermediate familial subtype makes up nearly 19% of U.S. alcoholics. Nearly half have close relatives who are alcoholics. Alcoholics in this subtype typically began drinking by 17 and became alcoholics in their early 30s.

The chronic severe subtype is the rarest subtype, accounting for about 9% of U.S. alcoholics. This subtype mainly includes men, has the highest divorce rate, and frequently includes users of illicit drugs.
"When most people think of alcoholics, they think of middle-aged men with a profile similar to our chronic severe subtype," Moss tells WebMD.
"Our data shows that alcoholism is more a disorder of youth than previously suspected," he adds.
Moss warns that while some alcoholic subtypes may function better than others, "in all cases, alcohol dependence must be viewed as a severe disease with a significant adverse impact on health and well-being."
SOURCES: Moss, H. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, June 26, 2007; online edition. News

What is emotional abuse?

There is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse. Like other forms of violence in relationships, emotional abuse is based on power and control. The following are widely recognized as forms of emotional abuse:
rejecting
- refusing to acknowledge a person's presence, value or worth; communicating to a person that she or he is useless or inferior; devaluing her/his thoughts and feelings. Example: repeatedly treating a child differently from siblings in a way that suggests resentment, rejection or dislike for the child.degrading
- insulting, ridiculing, name calling, imitating and infantilizing; behaviour which diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the person. Examples: yelling, swearing, publicly humiliating or labelling a person as stupid; mimicking a person's disability; treating a senior as if she or he cannot make decisions.terrorizing
- inducing terror or extreme fear in a person; coercing by intimidation; placing or threatening to place a person in an unfit or dangerous environment. Examples: forcing a child to watch violent acts toward other family members or pets; threatening to leave, physically hurt or kill a person, pets or people she / he cares about; threatening to destroy a person's possessions; threatening to have a person deported or put in an institution; stalking.isolating
- physical confinement; restricting normal contact with others; limiting freedom within a person's own environment. Examples: excluding a senior from participating in decisions about her or his own life; locking a child in a closet or room alone; refusing a female partner or senior access to her or his own money and financial affairs; withholding contact with grandchildren; depriving a person of mobility aids or transportation.corrupting/exploiting
- socializing a person into accepting ideas or behaviour which oppose legal standards; using a person for advantage or profit; training a child to serve the interests of the abuser and not of the child. Examples: child sexual abuse; permitting a child to use alcohol or drugs or see pornography; enticing a person into the sex trade.denying emotional responsiveness
- failing to provide care in a sensitive and responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; interacting only when necessary; ignoring a person's mental health needs. Examples: ignoring a child's attempt to interact; failing to show affection, caring and / or love for a child; treating a senior who lives in an institution as though she / he is an object or "a job to be done."
- Emotional abuse accompanies other forms of abuse, but also may occur on its own;
- No abuse - neglect, physical, sexual or financial - can occur without psychological consequences. Therefore all abuse contains elements of emotional abuse;
- Emotional abuse follows a pattern; it is repeated and sustained. If left unchecked, abuse does not get better over time. It only gets worse;
- Like other forms of violence in relationships, those who hold the least power and resources in society, for example, women and children, are most often emotionally abused;
- Emotional abuse can severely damage a person's sense of self-worth and perception;
- In children, emotional abuse can impair psychological development, including: intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development; and
- Emotional abuse can also affect a child's social development and may result in an impaired ability to perceive, feel, understand and express emotions. how widespread is emotional abuse?Only a few studies provide insight about the prevalence of emotional abuse in Canada. Emotional abuse is difficult to research because:
- Its effects have only recently been recognized;
- There are no consistent definitions and it is hard to define;
- It is difficult to detect, assess and substantiate; and
- Many cases of emotional abuse go unreported.
A recent study of Ontario investigations into child maltreatment found that, in 1993, 10% of investigations alleged emotional abuse.In 1993, 39% of women in abusive relationships reported that their children saw them being assaulted.In 1995, the Canadian Women's Health Test found that of 1000 women 15 years of age or over:
- 36% had experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or teenagers; and
- 39% reported experiencing verbal/emotional abuse in a relationship within the last five years. Statistics Canada's 1993 Violence Against Women Survey showed that among ever-married or common-law Canadian women aged 18 to 65 years, emotional abuse is widespread. The study found that:
- 35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse was emotionally abusive.
- 18% of women reported experiencing emotional abuse but not physical abuse in a relationship.
- 77% of women reported emotional abuse in combination with physical abuse. In one Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically abused a female partner. In 1995, a study of seniors' client records from various agencies across Canada found that psychological abuse was the most prevalent form of abuse. The 1990 National Survey on Abuse of the Elderly in Canada estimated that:- 4% of seniors residing in private homes reported experiencing abuse and/or neglect;
- Questions about insults, swearing and threats were asked as a measure of chronic verbal aggression. The study showed that 1.4% of seniors experienced these forms of emotional abuse in the year prior to the study; and
- Chronic verbal aggression ranked as the second most prevalent form of mistreatment following material abuse.
facts to considerEmotional abuse of children can result in serious emotional and/or behavioural problems, including depression, lack of attachment or emotional bond to a parent or guardian, low cognitive ability and educational achievement, and poor social skills.One study which looked at emotionally abused children in infancy and then again during their preschool years consistently found them to be angry, uncooperative and unattached to their primary caregiver. The children also lacked creativity, persistence and enthusiasm.Children who experience rejection are more likely than accepted children to exhibit hostility, aggressive or passive-aggressive behaviour, to be extremely dependent, to have negative opinions of themselves and their abilities, to be emotionally unstable or unresponsive, and to have a negative perception of the world around them.Parental verbal aggression (e.g., yelling, insulting) or symbolic aggression (e.g., slamming a door, giving the silent treatment) toward children can have serious consequences. Children who experience these forms of abuse demonstrate higher rates of physical aggressiveness, delinquency and interpersonal problems than other children. Children whose parents are additionally physically abusive are even more likely to experience such difficulties.Children who see or hear their mothers being abused are victims of emotional abuse.
Growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. Male children may learn to model violent behaviour while female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships. This contributes to the intergenerational cycle of violence.Many women in physically abusive relationships feel that the emotional abuse is more severely debilitating than the physical abuse in the relationship.Repeated verbal abuse such as blaming, ridiculing, insulting, swearing, yelling and humiliation has long-term negative effects on a woman's self-esteem and contributes to feelings of uselessness, worthlessness and self-blame.Threatening to kill or physically harm a female partner, her children, other family members or pets establishes dominance and coercive power on the part of the abuser. The female partner feels extreme terror, vulnerability and powerlessness within the relationship. This type of emotional abuse can make an abused woman feel helpless and isolated.Jealousy, possessiveness and interrogation about whereabouts and activities are controlling behaviours which can severely restrict a female partner's independence and freedom. Social and financial isolation may leave her dependent upon the abuser for social contact money and the necessities of life.Emotional abuse can have serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including severe depression, anxiety, persistent headaches, back and limb problems, and stomach problems.Women who are psychologically abused but not physically abused are five times more likely to misuse alcohol than women who have not experienced abuse.Senior abuse is still a new issue and there is still little research in this field on emotional abuse.We do know that senior emotional abuse and neglect can be personal or systemic and that it occurs in a variety of relationships and settings, including abuse by:
- a partner;
- adult children or other relatives;
- unrelated, formal or informal caregivers; or
- someone in a position of trust.
Seniors who are emotionally abused may experience feelings of extreme inadequacy, guilt, low self-esteem, symptoms of depression, fear of failure, powerlessness or hopelessness. These signs may be easily confused with loss of mental capability so that a senior may be labelled as "senile" or "incapable" when in fact she or he may be being emotionally abused.Abusers may often outwardly display anger and resentment toward the senior in the company of others. They may also display a complete lack of respect or concern for the senior by repeatedly interrupting or publicly humiliating her or him. Not taking into account a senior's wishes concerning decisions about her or his own life is an outward sign of abuse.detecting emotional abuse
Emotional abuse may be difficult to detect. However, personal awareness and understanding of the issue is key to recognizing it. The following indicators may assist in detecting emotional abuse.possible indicators of emotional abuse
- depression;
- withdrawal;
- low self-esteem;
- severe anxiety;
- fearfulness;
- failure to thrive in infancy;
- aggression;
- emotional instability;
- sleep disturbances;
- physical complaints with no medical basis;
- inappropriate behaviour for age or development;
- overly passive/compliant;
- suicide attempts or discussion;
- extreme dependence;
- underachievement;
- inability to trust;
- stealing;
- other forms of abuse present or suspected;
- feelings of shame and guilt;
- frequent crying;
- self-blame/self-depreciation;
- overly passive/compliant;
- delay or refusal of medical treatment;
- discomfort or nervousness around caregiver or relative;
- substance abuse; and
- avoidance of eye contact.
legal interventionLegal intervention in cases of child emotional abuse and neglect is governed by provincial and territorial child protection legislation.All jurisdictions require that alleged or suspected child emotional abuse or neglect be reported to child protection authorities or the police. In some jurisdictions, failure to report child emotional abuse or neglect may result in a fine or imprisonment.Emotionally abusive behaviour such as repeatedly following the other person or someone known to her or him; repeatedly communicating, directly or indirectly, with the other person or someone known to her or him; harassing the other person with telephone calls; besetting or watching the other person's house or place of work; and / or engaging in threatening conduct directed at the other person or a member of her or his family is criminal harassment.These behaviours must cause a person to fear for her or his safety or the safety of someone she or he knows.Other forms of emotional abuse such as insulting, isolating, infantilizing, humiliating, and ignoring, although serious, are not criminal behaviours and cannot be prosecuted under the Criminal Code of Canada.what can you do?
If you are being abused, remember:
-You are not alone;
- It is not your fault;
- No one ever deserves to be abused; and
- Help is available. if you suspect/know someone is being abused
- Listen;
- Believe;
- Support;
- Let the person know about available support services; and
- Report suspected or known child abuse or neglect to a child welfare agency or the police.
if you are a service provider
Work with other organizations to:- Increase awareness of emotional abuse;
- Address the needs of those who have been or are being emotionally abused; and
- Keep informed of resources and materials relating to intervention and prevention of abuse.
support
Services:
- 24 hour help-line or distress line;
- transition house or shelter;
- social service agency;
- child welfare or family services agency;
- police;
- legal aid service;
- health professional (e.g., nurse, doctor, dentist);
- community health centre;
- public health department;
- community counselling centre;
- home support agency;
- seniors' centre;
- community living association;
- friendship centre;
- religious/spiritual organization.
child sexual abuse prevention kit
Developed by the Caring Communities Project includes "how to" handbooks, tools and activities, 20 case studies of prevention initiatives and resource lists of books, programs and videos. The kit is available in both English and French. Contact: Canadian Institute of Child Health, 384 Bank Street, Suite 300, Ottawa, Ontario K2P 1Y4. Tel: (613) 230-8838; fax: (613) 230-6654; e-mail: info@cich.canobody's perfect
A support and educational program for parents of children from birth to age five. This program is available in both English and French. Contact: Nobody's Perfect National Office, 384 Bank Street, Suite 300, Ottawa, Ontario K2P 1Y4. Tel: (613) 237-7667, ext. 225; fax: (613) 237-8515; e-mail: np-yapp@frp.caCopyright 2006 Laura E. Stevensthe psychology of abusive men
72% of American suicides are committed by white males; black men prefer homicide. (This suggests white men blame themselves and black men blame others: white neurotics, black psychotics.) Prisons overflow with men, and juvenile detention centers teem with boys; remedial readers are, in 90% of cases, male, as are those diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, substance abusers, and the violent. Rates of injury are three times as high for males. The lives of men are eroded by frustration inhibition perversion. A white collar drug addict remarked: My work is so boring that it's really hard to do it if you're not hung-over in some way. My friend tried to not do drugs for a while and he was, like, "This is a nightmare! I have to sleep eight hours a day! I'm tired all the time! I wake up and it takes me three hours to get up, and then I'm tired in the afternoon." Men are dying of loneliness, and noone knows.

IS YOUR CHILD “ALIENATED?”

Handout for clients:
IS YOUR CHILD “ALIENATED?”

© 2007 by William A. Eddy, LCSW, ESQ.

IS YOUR CHILD REJECTING ONE PARENT? In divorce or separation, 10% - 15% of children express strong resistance to spending time with one of their parents – and this may be increasing in our society. It may be the father or mother. It may be the parent the child “visits,” or the parent where the child lives. Is this the result of abuse by the “rejected” parent? Or is this the result of alienation by the “favored” parent? The idea that one parent can alienate a child against the other has been a big controversy in family courts over the past 20 years, with the conclusion that there are many possible causes for this resistance. Most courts take reports of alienation very seriously and want to know if this is the result of abuse or alienating behavior. Resistance to spending time with a parent is always a serious problem. This needs to be investigated, fully understood, and treated with counseling in many cases. Otherwise, the child’s future relationships may be much more difficult.

IS THIS THE RESULT OF ABUSE? The first concern of the courts is protecting the children. If there are reports of child abuse as the cause of the child’s alienated behavior, the judge may make a protective order restraining contact with the “rejected” parent, such as a temporary order for supervised visitation. If you are the “rejected” parent you may feel that supervised visitation is unnecessary or insulting. Yet this may be your biggest help, as someone neutral can observe the child’s behavior and your relationship. Often the judge will say that he or she will not make any assumptions and wants more information before understanding the cause.

IS THIS THE RESULT OF “PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME?” It is important to know that the courts across the country have not adopted the idea that there is such a syndrome. A syndrome requires a generally accepted cause and effect, and there are many possible causes of children’s alienated behavior (abuse by a parent, alienating behavior by a parent, lack of emotional boundaries by a “rejected” parent, lack of emotional boundaries by a “favored” parent, developmental stage, outside influences, etc.). Also, despite alienating behavior by some parents, many children are not resistant to spending time with the other parent. So it is not accepted as a syndrome. However, the courts generally recognize that some children are alienated – they just don’t know the reason automatically and often want more information.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF AN ALIENATED CHILD? Children who are not abused, but are alienated have emotionally intense feelings but vague or minor reasons for them. A child might say: “I won’t go to see my father!” Yet she might struggle to find a reason: “He doesn’t help me with my homework.” Or: “He dresses sloppy.” Or: “He just makes me angry all the time.” Another child might say: “I hate my mother!” Yet again the reasons are vague or superficial: “She’s too controlling.” “She doesn’t understand me like my dad.” These children complain that they are afraid of the other parent, yet their behavior shows just the opposite – they feel confident in blaming or rejecting that parent without any fear or remorse. Some of them speak negatively of the “rejected” parent to others, then relax when they are with the “rejected” parent. Others run away, rather than spend time with the rejected parent. All of these behaviors are generally different from those of truly abused children, who are often extra careful not to offend an abusive parent, are often hesitant to disclose abuse and often recant even though it’s true.

WHY DO ALIENATED CHILDREN FEEL SO STRONGLY? Alienated children generally show intensely negative emotions and an absence of ambivalence. New research on the brain suggests that this may be the result of the unconscious and nonverbal transfer of negative emotions from parent to child. The parent’s intense angry outbursts (even if they are rare), intense sadness, and intensely negative statements about the other parent may be absorbed unconsciously by the child’s brain, without the child even realizing it. The child then develops intensely negative emotions toward the other parent (or anyone the upset parent dislikes), but doesn’t consciously know why. This may explain the vague or minor reasons given by alienated children for intensely rejecting a good parent. This spilling over of negative emotions from upset parent to child may have begun years before the divorce, so that the child is very tuned in to the upset parent, and automatically and instantly absorbs their emotions and point of view.


DOES CUSTODY MAKE A DIFFERENCE? If one parent has almost all of the parenting time, then the child will not have his or her own experiences with the other parent to know that he or she is not bad. Most states expect children to have substantial time with both parents – except in cases of abuse. Ironically, the amount of time is generally not the biggest factor. The biggest factor is if one parent is constantly spilling over intensely negative emotions to the child about the other parent, while the other parent is following court orders and not addressing these issues at all. For this reason, children can become alienated against either a non-custodial parent or a custodial parent. This can be either the father or the mother. It’s like a bad political campaign, with one side campaigning hard and the other side not campaigning at all.

HOW CAN YOU PREVENT ALIENATION? You might be alienating your child against the other parent or against yourself, without even being conscious of it - especially during a divorce. Here are seven suggestions:

1. POSITIVE COMMENTS: Regularly point out positive qualities of the other parent to your child.

2. REPAIRING COMMENTS: All parents make negative comments about the other parent at times. If you realize you made such a comment, follow up with a “repairing comment”: “I just spoke negatively about your father [or mother]. I don’t really mean to be so negative. He has many positive qualities and I really value your relationship with him. I’m just upset and my feelings are my responsibility, not his and not yours.”

3. AVOID REINFORCING NEGATIVE COMMENTS: Healthy children say all kinds of things, positive and negative, about their parents – even about abusive parents. If there is abuse, have it investigated by professionals. If not, be careful that you are not paying undue attention to their negative comments and ignoring their positive comments.

4. TEACH PROBLEM-SOLVING STRATEGIES: If your child complains about the other parent’s behavior, unless it is abusive, suggest strategies for coping: “Honey, tell your father something nice before you ask for something difficult.” “Show your mother the project you did again, she might have been busy the first time.” “If he/she is upset, maybe you can just go to your room and try not to listen and draw a picture instead.”

5. AVOID EXCESSIVE INTIMACY: Children naturally become more independent and self-aware as they grow up. Be careful not to be excessively intimate with your child for the child’s age, as this may create an unhealthy dependency on you. Examples include having the child regularly sleep with you in your bed beyond infancy; sharing adult information and decisions (such as about the divorce); and excessive sadness at exchanges or how you miss the child when he or she is at the other parent’s house.

6. AVOID EXCESSIVE COMPARISONS: When you emphasize a skill or characteristic that you have, don’t place it in comparison to weaknesses of the other parent. You each have different skills and qualities that are important to your child. By comparing yourself positively and the other parent negatively (even if this feels innocent), you can inadvertently influence your child. Remember that your child is a combination of both of you, and thinking negatively of one parent means the child may think negatively about half of himself or herself.

7. GET SUPPORT OR COUNSELING FOR YOURSELF: It is impossible to go through a divorce without getting upset some of the time. Protect your child from as much as possible by sharing your upset feelings with adult friends and family, away from your child. Get counseling to cope with the stress you are under.

WILL THE COURT ADDRESS THIS ISSUE? Routinely, in a divorce or separation, the court will order that neither parent shall make disparaging remarks about the other parent within hearing of the child. Some courts may ask you for 3 positive comments about the other parent or 3 steps you are taking to protect the child from absorbing your negative emotions toward the other parent. Think about this seriously, so that you are prepared to answer this question if it is raised. Most of all, practice the suggestions described above

Jana Makey

Check out this video: Jana mackey KS-NOW Lobbyist murderd -DV

The Experience of Abused Women With Their Children's Law Guardians

The Experience of Abused Women With Their Children's Law Guardians
Filed under: Best interest of children, Best interest of the child,
Best interest of the children, Child Custody Issues, Children's
rights, Corrupt bastards, Custody laws, Domestic Law, Domestic
Violence, Family Courts, Guardian Ad Litem, Mother Child
Relationship, Noncustodial Mothers, Studies completed, Whores of the
court — justice4mothers @ 12:47 am Edit This

Here is a research article by Roni Berger and Ellen Rosenberg,
published January 2008 in Violence Against Women. To read the entire
article, click here. Here is an excerpt of the article:

Overall, the feeling that law guardians "did not want to be bothered"
was heard repeatedly in interviews, as was the sense that he or
she "just wanted me and my case to go away."

Support of abusers. Law guardians were perceived as supporting
abusers by minimizing reports about their abusive behavior and
placing the interests of fathers over those of children. Seven women
reported that at times the safety and well-being of the children were
compromised to meet fathers' requirements. In one case, a law
guardian was satisfied with an 8-year-old girl's expressed preference
for living with her father, which was primarily related to the fact
that the father did not set limits (e.g., bedtime and spending).

In another example, a woman reported that the law guardian persuaded
an investigating agency not to substantiate a report of abuse by the
father: He [the law guardian] said, "Oh, I'm involved. I'll take care
of it. Oh, the father didn't mean to throw the child across the room.
It wasn't intentional so you shouldn't substantiate abuse" [the woman
has copies of the report with this quote from the law
guardian]. . . . So not only did he not represent the children's best
interest. He really went out of his way to protect the abuser.

In another instance, a mother reported that her 6-year-old daughter
described "feeling a stone from his body" when her father took her to
his bed. The law guardian's alleged response to this report was
that "he is just a loving father. This is normal."

Biases and inequality. Women reported experiencing discrimination
because of their gender, cultural background, and lifestyle.
Discrimination because of gender was reported by all women in this
study. Law guardians were described as failing to maintain a balanced
approach to both parents, for example, by presenting a report
regarding mother's but not father's mental health. All women reported
that although law guardians had lengthy and frequent meetings with
fathers, mothers had minimal or no such opportunities. For example,
D. recounts that one of her children's law guardians never talked to
her out of court, although they occasionally had a dialogue in the
court waiting room: "But it was always on the fly because she was
always running somewhere."

Four women complained of being scrutinized much more than their ex-
husbands. Their credibility was challenged, and they were expected
to document every detail. They believed that their ex-husbands were
much less watched, their abusive actions often minimized,
disregarded, or even justified, while they were applauded for
anything positive that they did for and with their children.

A battered woman, Holly Ann Collins, fled the United States with her children to protect them from abuse. They were granted Asylum in the Netherlands.

Story from a Friend

I was on campus at the local university for class two weeks ago. On my way to class I saw a posting for auditions for Vagina Monologues (VM). (I have never acted before) I have only seen VM on TV(HBO maybe), so I thought each person presenting had to write their own story. So in class I started a story (mine). I auditioned and am in the cast! The university can only use the script from VM, so I am sharing my story with you.

Far in my vagina (vj) I carried twins for three months.

Far in my vj I carried two pregnancies to term.

I chose to get pregnant. I had waited years beyond my sisters and friends.

I chose to graduate from college before getting married and having children.

After years of waiting it was finally my turn to be a mom.

I had my daughter by cesarean section, so when it was time for my son’s delivery two and half years later I thought I knew what to expect. I was so wrong and here is what happened:

We arrived at the hospital at 6:30 in the morning for a scheduled c-section.

We did the paperwork, the standard questions,

did I wear glasses, contacts?

what medication did I take?

what medication was I allergic to?

had I ever been abused

Yes, I answered

By whom the nurse asked

I pointed to my then husband who was sitting next to me

My reward for answering that question honestly

would be severe

and have long term, devastating results

I was taken into the surgery room and I was moved to the surgery table.

My gown was yanked up above my waist

revealing my vj to everyone in the surgery room

a needle was stuck in my back

and a needle was put in my arm.

Sociopaths lie, cheat, steal and even kill

Sociopaths lie, cheat, steal and even kill
Then they move on to the next victim

If you only know one thing about psychology, you should know about sociopaths. Being aware of sociopaths could help you avoid emotional trauma, ruined finances, even an untimely death.

Sociopathy, also called psychopathy, is a personality disorder characterized by deceit on a scale most of us cannot imagine. These people are not crazy; they know exactly what they are doing. Here is how Robert D. Hare, Ph.D., begins his book about psychopaths, Without Conscience:

"Psychopaths are social predators who charm, manipulate and ruthlessly plow their way through life, leaving a broad trail of broken hearts, shattered expectations and empty wallets. Completely lacking in conscience and feelings for others, they selfishly take what they want and do as they please, violating social norms and expectations without the slightest sense of guilt or regret."*

Why is it so critical for you to know about sociopaths? Because millions of sociopaths are living among us. Yes, many of them are criminals, locked up in jail. But far more are on the street, hurting people without breaking laws, operating in the gray areas between legal and illegal, or simply eluding the authorities. They can appear to be normal, but they pose a tremendous threat to us all.

Sociopaths exhibit a range of behaviors. In fact, Dr. Hare diagnoses them according to their score on a scale. So just as you could describe someone's intelligence as ranging from smart to genius, you could describe a sociopath as somewhere between sleazy and serial killer. If you see sleazy, he may be on the low end of the scale, but he's still bad news.

This web site is dedicated to informing you about sociopaths so you can protect yourself. Learn to spot the behaviors that might indicate someone is a sociopath. These people do not change. They cannot be rehabilitated. The sooner you can get away from them, the better off you'll be.

Group wants state law to cover stress disorder

Group wants state law to cover stress disorder
CARA MATTHEWS • Albany bureau • April 16, 2008



ALBANY — Health insurance for mental illness should be broadened to cover all treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder, advocates for the change urged Tuesday.

Not having the coverage is detrimental to soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, survivors of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks and other trauma survivors, a coalition of groups known as the Timothy's Law Campaign said.

"Who wouldn't want to add PTSD into the Timothy's Law today because, without treatment, we couldn't make it out there. ... I wouldn't know where I would be today if I hadn't gotten treatment. I wouldn't," said Pat Purdie, 45, of Albany, a survivor of sexual abuse who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Timothy's Law, which took effect Jan. 1, 2007, mandates that larger employers provide unlimited treatment for adults with biologically based ailments that include schizophrenia, major depression and panic disorder and several others, and additional coverage for children. It doesn't cover PTSD, which, like panic disorder, falls under the umbrella of anxiety disorders.

Every insured person has a minimum of 20 outpatient and 30 inpatient visits a year, and the state picks up the cost of having that for businesses with 50 or fewer employees. The base mental health benefit may not cover all the treatment needs for people in the acute phases of the condition, advocates said.

Timothy's Law is named for Timothy O'Clair of Schenectady, who took his own life in 2001 at age 12. His family had limited mental health coverage and gave up custody of him so he could receive state-paid treatment.

Advocates for the change said PTSD was not included in the 2006 legislation as a result of a compromise and because it was presumed that veterans would access care through the federal Department of Veterans Affairs. However, only four out of 10 veterans in New York are registered with the agency and the limited number of V.A. centers poses a problem, advocates said.

If passed, the amendment could cover 20,000 to 25,000 New Yorkers and the added cost would be about $500,000 annually, said Shelly Nortz of the Coalition for the Homeless.

Senate Mental Health Committee Chairman Thomas Morahan, R-New City, and Assembly Mental Health Committee Chairman Peter Rivera, D-Bronx, have introduced the bill. The Senate is controlled by Republicans, and Democrats control the Assembly.